Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Take a moment to listen to the song below (take from my friend Rebecca's blog) and allow it to speak to you and help you remember those that are celebrating in Heaven with our Savior....
Christmas in Heaven
“So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.”- Luke 2:16-20
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Our words aren't adequate enough to describe our loving, faithful, enduring Father. I cannot fathom a word great enough to encompass all He is to us, to me!! Praise you Father God, with uplifed hands and a renewed heart for the work you have given me!!! Thank you Father for allowing me to have Kaden, and showing me, beyond any doubt, You control the universe, and hold all things in Your hands! Glory, praise, and honor are Yours!
Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come and has redeemed his people. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David (as he said through his holy prophets of long ago) Luke 1:69
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Yesterday I got to hold my friend's new baby. It was bitter sweet. I'm so excited for her, but my heart ached that I would never hold my precious little girl this side of heaven. I held back my tears as I looked at his face, touched his cheeks, held his hand, and did all the things I wanted for myself. As I handed him back to his mommy, my heart longed to be her, having the joy of that first bath, diaper, snuggle. All the things I won't have with Leilani.
For the last twenty weeks, I have longed for things that I cannot have. I have cried, yelled, been angry, and I have tried to give my aching to my Father. In my humanity, I am unable to bear this loss. I want the next twenty weeks to be different. So each week on Wednesday, as I remember my daughter and where I would be in my pregnancy with her, I want to post something positive about motherhood. Pray with me that God will allow me to use this blog to glorify Him, even in the pain.
The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your own brothers. You must listen to him. Deuteronomy 18:15
Saturday, November 29, 2008
That's my sweet baby, with the ONLY bottle of conditioner in the house. He has squirted it all over the bathroom floor. Not just that, but notice my makeup brushes at the bottom of the photo. He has used them as paint brushes. I thought no big deal, we'll clean it up and the floor smells nice now, then I look over at the toilet....
Excellent, now the toilet smells good too.
Thank you Lord, for our Kaden and his ever growing curiosity!
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." Psalms 126:2
Friday, November 28, 2008
Take time this season to remember the families with loved ones in the hospital and those unable to be home for the holiday, and always remember what you have been blessed with.
Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. I Chronicles 16:8-11
Monday, November 17, 2008
Father God, help us to remember to share your love and precious gift to each person we meet. Allow them to see You through our actions and know Your love and compassion through us. Help us to be pleasing in Your sight so that all will come to know You. Amen.
Goodnight sweet Opa, kiss the baby for us, and know we'll see you again.
Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight. Psalm 119:73-77
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Last night I dreamed again of a little boy named David. It was such a wonderful dream. I wanted to believe my dream of twins the other night was for the future, but after last nights, I remembered.
I prayed that God would allow me to see my children. That He would show them to me in my dreams and let me meet them. He is doing that. The realization of what has begun in my life is nearly overwhelming.
The night I dreamed of Leilani and Justin, I saw their faces and I knew they were mine. I held her, but not him. It makes sense now. I believed I was carrying twins but never saw a second child. When my labs came back after losing Leilani, they were too high for a single pregnancy. God told me I had two before the doctors did. I didn't hold Justin because I didn't know. I pray that God will give me a second chance and allow me to hold him. Last night's dream of David was the confirmation that these were the children I have lost.
The experience of childbirth has to be the single most defining experience of a woman's life, besides accepting Christ of course. I gave birth to David in my dream. A perfect little guy with dark hair. I know he is my child. I had just found out I was expecting when I lost him. At time I was pregnant with him, it would have led me to name him David.
I have two other children to meet... Gracie and an another. I hope to see Gracie tonight, but I would still like to relish in the dreams of David, Leilani, and Justin. How do you choose which one to see? I know God will show them to me as He see fit. I praise Him because even though I have been unlovable, He has continued to love me. Unconditionally.
Thank you Father for these children who are safe in your arms. Kiss them for me tonight and hug them close.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Running down my face, wetting my pillow, dropping silently in the night
Feeling of despair in the whole of my heart
Will it end?
I turn my face to Him, crying out for my desire
I hear His voice, saying, "Wait my child"
He comforts me with hugs from my children
And kisses from my husband
With friends and family
Who speak words only God could have given them.
*Thank you to each of you who have touched my life, not only during this time, but always.
I love you.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
New baby smells, smiles with no teeth, bald heads, tiny feet..... I can't wait. What a blessing to be chosen to be a mother yet again.
We do realize the risk of having another heart baby is increased, but as I talk to a friend the other day, she reminded me again of the power of prayer. We'll trust that our Father knows best and that He'll have His will in our lives.
Come what may, we'll put our faith in Him.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
What a horrible monster, this CHD world. One that shares in just as many tragedies as triumphs. One that keeps you from ever feeling a sense of calm... Always lurking in your mind, "what if." God be with each family facing this giant and who becomes a part of our world.
Goodnight sweet Tommy, save a hug in heaven for me......
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I woke up next to my wonderful husband, Tim. God sent him to me during a dark time in my life. Through Tim's love, I've rediscovered the love God has for me. Tim is my best friend. He is the home I've always wanted and the love I've always needed. He's the father of my children and our earthly provider. He works hard to make a life where I can stay home and raise our children.
My beautiful daughter, KK, is becoming a "tween" and coming into her own way of doing things. Her independence is amazing. She is brave, strong, and confident. All the things I wanted to be in my own childhood, I see in her.
My handsome son, Ave, will be 7 in a couple of weeks. He is loving and strong. His ability to see beautiful things in everyday happenings is beyond my understanding. Just yesterday, he looked at me and said, "Mommy your glasses look like butterflies on your face. It's really pretty." Who would have thought glasses could look like butterflies?
My precious son, Kaden. The child God gave me twice. Once in birth and again when his heart was healed. I see God's many promises fulfilled in his life. Kaden is bold, daring, and a fighter. His strength goes beyond his years and his laughter is one of the highlights of my day.
In my family and home, I find God's abundant love. I'm in love with my family and the ebb and flow of daily life being a wife and mother.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I was laying with Kaden last night, yes, he still sleeps in our bed, when I woke up with the overwhelming need to touch his "heart scar." As I was running my finger across his scarred chest, I was reminded of all my little boy has been through. I remember him laying in PCICU wrapped in his blue blanket, his face puffy and red from swelling. I remember gently unwrapping the blanket for the first time, because I had to look, I had to see what they had done to my precious baby. The flood of emotion seeing him like that. What was once a perfect little body was now covered in tubes, wires, IVs, tape, gauze, and a row of tiny strips of paper holding his little chest together. He lay there, limp as I picked up his little hand, and realized they had his arms restrained to keep him from pulling at his lines. In that moment, I cried out to God, "WHY have you done this to him! Why did you choose Kaden, and our family for this." And in the next moment realized the worst of the battle was over. Kaden was healed and being mad wasn't going to change the course of our lives. God revealed His love and mercy for our family during Kaden's storm. He showed us that with Him, we can overcome even the worst of circumstances and that ultimately His plan would be accomplished. As I continued to touch his chest and feel the different scars from surgery, each one became a blessing. I kissed each of his little marks and thanked God for the healing of Kaden's heart. I pulled his sweet little face close to mine and smelled his warm breath and praised my Father for allowing me to keep Kaden here with us.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I met with Rebecca, Angel Annabelle's mom, today to give her a quilt made in Annabelle's memory and some things for the baskets she puts together to remember Annabelle by. I held back tears the entire time. Just seeing her smile brought so many emotions to the front of my heart, I almost couldn't contain it. It's amazing to see my Father continue to work in others lives and allow me to be a part of it. I pray that He continues to bless and hold each of the families Palmetto Hearts touches and that in some way, they will see Christ's love through me.
Palmetto Hearts continues to flourish with new families weekly. We have our own website now, thanks to the Marsh family! www.palmettohearts.org I pray that in some way these heart children touch your lives and give you a bit of peace about yours.
Friday, April 18, 2008
The morning of his surgery, Tim, KK, and Ave met me at the hospital to pray and wait. We all carried him down to the pre-op check in and waited for them to come and get him. I can't describe how difficult it was for all of us to hand over our tiny baby to people we had never met and trust them to care for him. Those feelings had to be pushed back because without the surgery, he wouldn't have made it to see his first birthday.
Over the course of this past year, God has brought so many families and stories into our lives. Each family and child has touched the deepest parts of my heart. It's my prayer that God allows me to continue in His ministry to these families. I pray that each child's story touches me and helps me remember what we have been through and that no matter what God has NEVER failed us. He held Kaden in His hands and allowed Kaden to be healed. He held us during a terrible time when nothing on this earth could, and He never let go.
Happy Birthday April 27 to our miracle of life, Kaden John. May God bless your life my precious baby. May you always walk in His path, with His light guiding you. I pray for your protection and for your future. May God always hold all the days of your life and may they be long and fruitful for Him. Always remember where you have been and how blessed you are. Mommy loves you for always my little heart boy.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
I encourage everyone to hold their children just a moment longer today and remember a precious family in your prayers.